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but I’m drinking my last beer. This leaves me with three options

  1. Drive to get more beer
  2. Pay way too much for beer at the corner store
  3. Drink zero more beer

In #2, I mean ‘too much’ as in paying way more than I have to pay, not way more than beer is worth to me.


Friday night at one of the doucheiest bars in the neighborhood (infer what you want about me being there) I’m talking to a girl from Kentucky, which naturally leads to the discussion of whether she would rather marry a douche or a redneck. Her opinion: “The redneck would be nicer, but he might beat me…” she still whole-heartedly chose the hypothetical redneck for matrimony.

Another part of the exchange:

Kentucky: The douche bag would probably have more money.

Me: I think a lot of them don’t actually have much money, they just try and look like they do.

Kentucky: Ya, they spend it all on Ed Hardy shirts.

Hey reader. I’m thinking of combining my love of drinking and statistics into a quasi-scientific study to determine the perfect hangover cure. A lack of funding means I need volunteers, and since we both know your more Hasselhoff than Kirk Cameron when it comes to the spirits it will be to your benefit to contribute to this scientific endeavor.

If you choose to participate here is what you’ll have to do:

  1. The next time your having a few drinks, enough to instigate a hangover, record a few things in whatever manner you feel appropriate. At a minimum, once during the night, preferably towards the end of your consumption, estimate whether you anticipate no hangover, a slight hangover or a severe hangover. Ideally you could also record how long and how much you’ve been drinking. Feel free to do this as often as you like, but I’ll work with whatever you give me.
  2. Enjoy yourself, your not getting any younger.
  3. Record how hungover you feel in the morning, and an estimate of how long you slept.
  4. I will send you a list of hangover cures, randomly selected from my master list, the day after you eat/drink/do what is prescribed and record how you feel afterward.
  5. Go about living your life.

This would be done multiple times, and after a while I might give you a new set of hangover cures. You could also enlist your friends/relatives/lovers to take part, but you should refer them to WFS to receive their own cure.

A while back cold fighting advice came through my Facebook feed: drink tons of water and take ib projen. I’m sick for the third time since reading that. The previous two times I was got over my illness several days faster than I would have expected to with the symptoms remaining relatively mild. Ignoring the possibility of a placebo effect it seems to be working.

But I’m starting to wonder if getting over colds faster is worth having to pee constantly for several days while while sick. It is unpleasant.

Now I’m going to drink more water.

NDWHPCwSH III has come and gone. Oddly no one brought a camera so there were few commemorative photo’s this year, although a motorist stopped to have everyone have their picture taken with his car (?). It’s on an iPhone somewhere and I’ll try and update this post if I can find it.

The fact that I’m not posting until two days later might indicate something about this years event, or at least it’s lasting effect on my aging liver. As with previous years I would venture to say good times were had by all, although holding it on the 26th of December lead to several passer-by’s commenting that Christmas was over. It also lead to a smaller turnout, as the only attendee’s were folks who celebrated Christmas in the ‘ham.

After the pub crawl list was completed we attempted to barter down (small) cover charges for the group with very limited effectiveness, which prompted me to go on a short lived campaign discouraging bar-goers to avoid establishments who expected us to give up the full amount to enter.

Next year I hope to return the event to the traditional Saturday before Christmas, but it’s about 11 months too early to commit to that.

After a few cocktails last night I ended up giving some random girl who’s shoes were hurting her a two block piggy back ride home. Towards the end I was getting pretty tired but I didn’t want to admit it and soldiered on.

In today’s busy world were it’s tough to fit in trips to the gym and the bar, this is an excellent way to get a total body workout AND work towards a liver transplant, just make sure your balance isn’t too impaired before attempting.

And for the record the piggy back ride was as intimate as things got.

I was picking up milk at Trader Joe’s when I noticed they make scotch. Trader Joe’s brand scotch. I would’ve called it Trader McJoe’s scotch, but none the less, I have ordered my dad, I more refined scotch drinker than I, to investigate. I don’t think he will.

I also came across two different six packs of beer for $2.99 each. For those of you who aren’t pursuing advanced degrees in numerical disciplines, that works out to less than fity cents a can, which is about as cheap as beer comes. I bought one of each and came home for the taste test.

I had the Red Oval first. It’s packaging wasn’t as intriguing, white can’s with a red oval containing the name. I wondered if the simplicity of it’s promotion would lead to a great product, after all, if the beer is that good, why mess around with labels and slogans? For cheep beer it was quite tastey. Like the packaging, it’s no frills, a standard lager that doesn’t really stand out in any way.

The competition was Simple Times Lager. It’s old timey, and old timey is hard to hate. It’s also rocks a 6.2% alcohol content, which is pretty potent for any type of beer, much less a lager. When I finally got around to tasting it, I genuinely enjoyed it. Did the flavor remind me of simpler times? No, but it still tastes good.

And thus The First Annual WFS Blue Ribbon For the Best Cheap Beer At Trader Joe’s goes to Simpler Times lager. Will it surpass Busch as my favorite cheap beer? i can garuantee it will never have the same sentimental value as the Official Beer of Western Washington University, the beer of $1 pitcher nights at the Up & Up, but on quality, I may have to concede that Simpler Times has it beat. I will have to do extensive research before I have a conclusion on that one.

After a couple of pitchers of margaritas, I found myself at an open mic night for storytellers named after a Battlestar Galacta* catch phrase Saturday night. One of my fellow students of the statistical sciences had promised me it was a good time, “if you can get past the uber-hipsterness” of the whole thing. The (weekly?) event features people in ironic t-shirts telling true stories that somehow related to the nights theme, ‘It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time.’ Judges scored the storytellers, and I’m assuming clapping,  a small trophy and a gift certificate for very tight jeans went to the champion.

At intermission we decided our time would be better spent at a bar, but the contestants up until then fell into three categories.

  1. Guys who got up and did a reasonably good job telling funny stories. Poop stories seemed to get the most laughs.
  2. People who told emotional stories poorly. This seemed to be the route to high scores.
  3. The guy who was drawn from the crowd to tell a story. Unlike the rest of the storytellers, who had been practicing for an unknown length of time, this fellow had to wing it. He opted to not so much tell a story, but make bad Seinfeld like observations about things not mentioned in polite company, like anal sex, masterbation and poop. The poop was thrown in because it had worked for the previous guy.

While I don’t think I’ll become a regular, and I wouldn’t drop the $5 suggested donation on the event, it was a good change of pace from standing in a bar or going to a movie on a saturday night.

*There was no mention of Battlestar Galactica, but my roommates are big fans so I know a BSG reference when I hear it.

Schools done, I might be working like a sucker soon, but for the last 9 days I’ve been left entirely to my own devices. Here’s the rundown.


  • Statisticians are better at beer pong than basketball.
  • If you give a friend $5 to get himself a drink at a bar with $2 you-call-it’s and tell him you DO NOT want a shot, you’re probably going to get a shot.
  • Flip cup should be played by teams of four, give or take. If you have significantly more people multiple teams should be formed that rotate in.
  • 39 year old’s birthday parties are pretty much the same as 29 year old’s, which is very different than 19 year old’s and even more different than 9 year old’s. I find that comforting.


  • The new Star Trek is good, but not as good as everyone says it is.
  • The new Terminator is bad but not as bad as everyone says it is.
  • Valkerye was pretty good. Tom Cruise played a cocky Nazi, which was a nice change of pace from his normal cocky American character. Actually it was the cocky American character with an eye patch.
  • The Wrestler was good, but I got tired of the camera following characters from behind as they went about their business. Sure, Marissa Tomei and Mickey Rourke have nice backs, especially for their advanced ages, but I got tired of looking at them. Worst Darren Aronofsky movie I’ve seen, but he makes good movies so that isn’t so bad.

Family. I made my annual pilgrimage north of LA with my sister to visit Grandma, as well as various cousins, Aunts, Uncles and second cousins.

  • Anyone know how to convince one’s grandma it’s time for a wheelchair? Maybe send her video’s on how great a rascal is? She’s too proud to admit it, but I’m pretty sure her life would be greatly improved if she could travel at a speed greater than 5 ft and hour. And she’d annoy a lot fewer motorists.
  • Family is cool and all, but I’m not sure mine is worth spending 12 hours in a car over a 3 day period to hang out with. Sorry gang, but I can’t stand that LA traffic. Maybe if there was some bribes I’d feel differently.

I’m hoping to get some beach time in soon but we’ve got June gloom greying up the skies. I’m looking for other ‘staycation’ activities to stay busy, but realistically I’ll probably just watch some movies and drink cheap beer.

I’ve recently realized that it’s shocking what a responsible person my high school buddy MC (only part of his name has become) over the last five years. He holds down a good job, owns a house and doesn’t need to attend AA. This would’ve been a hard future to imagine for him ten years ago. I attribute much of his responsibility to his special lady, who he had the good sense to lock down last Friday, making her Mrs. MC Dude and checking off 2 of my 3 steps of growing up. I skipped four classes to hang out on Maui for the wedding. Now I own a winestopper!

Being a small destination wedding, I got to know every attenddee under 40 a little bit. One of the brides college friends (go Vikings!) brought her husband. They live in Alaska and are snowboarding bums. She’s a waitress and he does web design. Web design apparently allows him to choose what days he works and what days. So when the powder comes down he abandons his keyboard for chair lifts. He was also very fond of wasabe.

This got me thinking, as I often do, about how I should be living my life. Grad school is okay, it does give me freedom to do what I want about 1/4 of the year (if not much money to do it with). But I couldn’t help be a bit jealous of this guy who could travel all over the world snowboarding and fill in the free time with some work. As far as I could tell, he isn’t getting rich, at least not monetarily, but isn’t the point of getting rich so you can go on ski trips? I didn’t come to any life altering conclusions, just thinking I’d like to find similar freedom in my post academic life (if that day ever comes).

I’d also like to say if you go to Maui stop by the Maui Brewing Company and order the Coconut Porter, and grab a few growlers of it on the way out. I’m philosophically opposed to beer that tastes like anything other than beer, but coconut gets the WFS Seal of Approval.

July 2018
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