So after a nice four months of unemployment, I am once again a sucker. I seem to have steered myself back into the world of corporate ridiculousness.

During orientation, the HR chick started telling us that my new employer goes along with the 1988 something or other drug act. I thought she was about to ask me to pee into a cup (which I was not afraid to do, for the record), when she informed me and my fellow co-hires that we aren’t allowed to use, distribute or make illegal drugs at work. No company policy about illegal drugs off the clock.

Soon she told us about how if somebody seemed angry and dangerous they needed to be reported, to avoided situations like the one were a former employee would slam his fist on his desk and get in peoples faces, to the point that they were uncomfortable. How horrible.

So you have, in my opinion many wasted man hours. Now for my back of the envelope economic analysis (I’m no economist, by the way). About 10 man hours were used today, and I’ll assume that happens every other Monday and the average value of those man hours to the company is $20 an hour. Complete guesses all around but it seems reasonable. Adds up to  $5,200 a year.

The argument for the silly HR presentation is that it makes the workplace safer and could, in theory, even save a life. You can’t put a price on that? I’m going to try. According to Wikipedia (I told you it was a back of the envelope calculation) the per capita GDP of Burkina Faso is $1,200. People there are poor and I’m sure you could save a few lives with food and or medical care with $5,200.

I wanted to get a better dollar for life estimate, but I worked for the first time in 4 months today and I’m tired.

I now the $5,200 wouldn’t go to saving Burkina Fasoians. Some of it would go to rich fat-cats who hold stock in my new employer. Some of it might make it into my pocket in higher wages, more likely some of it would end up in consumer pockets as we lower prices to increase market share. Maybe some of that extra cash, that wouldn’t be needed by whoever gets it (they don’t have it now) would end up feeding Haitians. I’m sure theres a better use for it than having me sign a paper saying I won’t make crystal meth at work. Besides, if I started doing it at work, it’d take all the fun out of it.  I’ll stop my bitchin, at least I didn’t have to pee in a cup.

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