I would claim to be too big to fail.
I never plan ahead for Halloween. This year I put ‘Get a Halloween Costume’ on my calendar, for September 1, and here I am without a costume on the night before the night. Now that the costume store is sold out and turning into a Christmas store, here are some ideas that’ll help you avoid being the guy who was too lame to dress up. None of these are my own ideas, but I’m not sure anything on this blog is.
- Sexual Harassment Lawsuit – Put on a suit, write sexually harassing comments on pieces of paper, pin them to your suit. Probably best to use a cheap second hand suit. If there is one piece of advice I’d give a 16 year old it would be to buy one or two second hand suits (also known as drinking suits), as they can come in handy for all kinds of shenanigans over the years.
- Doctor/Nurse - After the costume shop has sold out of it’s cheap doctor costumes, you can always head to your local nurses supply store to buy some scrubs. Personalize it a bit by adding bits of your favorite tv doctor. Ladies can cut and tighten for a new twist on the always popular ’slutty nurse’ costume.
- God’s Gift to Women – Shout out to the Shark on this one. find a box big enough to wear. Cut a whole in the box. Put your junk in the box. Wait, that’s something else. Cut holes so you can wear said box, wrap it in wrapping paper and add card “To: Women, From: God”.
- Box of Wine – Another box costume, probably a lot of things you could do with a box. This one requires some artistic skill or the means to copy and enlarge a Franzia box (don’t they have 24 hour Kinko’s?). So you draw/copy an enlarged Franzia (or your favorite box wine) onto your box, you can even add an actual bag from a box of wine. Bob G. tells me this can lead to back pain if you just have the box sitting on your shoulders and you include the wine.
- Chip-n-Dales Dancer – Girls don’t have the market cornered on slutty costumes. Actually the kind of do, but if you have access to tight black pants and a bow tie your ready to fight for man slut equality. The laides will ahve to add cat ears to this one and its a slutty cat (but if your going out in public add some sort of top).
I don’t have time to write all 101 right now. Basically, everyone should own a wearable box and an old suit, and then their costume options are virtually unlimited. If you’ve got any great comments for the Sexual Harassment suit, feel free to leave them in the comments.
Max Fisher, the precocious private school student from Rushmore seems to be blogging on Economic matters at the Atlantic. He saved Latin, what did you ever do?
14% of Twitter users have no followers. I’m surprised by this because I have a follower, and I’ve never tweeted a thing (like 38% of all users) or made any attempts to gain followers. I used to have two followers, but apparently one can’t keep those kind of numbers without sending some kind of gibberish into the Twit-mosphere.
Here is my source for the Twitter stats.
Go here if you would like to be my 2nd 2nd follower on Twitter. I still have no intentions of writing anything there. I can’t be constrained to 140 words.
Now that his site is all but defunct, I wonder if Tom from MySpace has signed up for Facebook. He probably doesn’t have as many friends these days.
Why does Apple host movie trailers on their website? I believe they’ve been doing this since long before iTunes was selling videos, so I don’t think it’s advertising for that. If they want to host them that’s their business, I just don’t get it.
After a few cocktails last night I ended up giving some random girl who’s shoes were hurting her a two block piggy back ride home. Towards the end I was getting pretty tired but I didn’t want to admit it and soldiered on.
In today’s busy world were it’s tough to fit in trips to the gym and the bar, this is an excellent way to get a total body workout AND work towards a liver transplant, just make sure your balance isn’t too impaired before attempting.
And for the record the piggy back ride was as intimate as things got.
I picked up the Daily Aztec today and saw the headline ‘University Ranks Number One’. Clearly it wasn’t for journalism. Turns out SDSU is the number one small research University in the country. The source? The school’s own Dean of graduate affairs who claims to have seen the figures. Might have wanted to wait until those get released, Journalism majors. It’s called checking your facts. I don’t have to, I’m a blogger.
A few minutes after reading that I turned on the radio and learned that downtown in the Gaslamp, the Haunted Hotel was named one of the top 13 haunts in the nation by Haunt World Magazine. Most surprising about this is that Haunt World Magazine appears to be a real thing (I didn’t check that fact).
…since I’m physically pained by paddling for waves. That and other dubious-in-retrospect inventions here. I also wouldn’t mind seeing what Xzibit would do with illuminated tires.
My vote for dumbest is the speechless phone answering robot.
No class this evening ’cause it’s one of my prof’s furlough days forced upon him by the Governator and his friends due to the budget deficit. I thought I’d use the extra 2 hours I have of free time today to post my disapproval.
Ten years from now, when I’m lying in a gutter offering up statistical analysis (that I will only have vague ideas of how to perform) for food because of my spotty graduate education I’m really going to hate Arnie.
